I am a women who likes women but nobody knows! How and when should I come out?
You are a lesbian or bisexual and haven’t had your coming out yet. How do you go about that? Coming out is an important but exciting moment. For many it is a big step, it requires you to fully accept your true self and share that part of you with others. In this blog we give you tips on how to do this in a safe and pleasant way and how to prepare yourself for this.
First make sure you accept yourself completely
Before you tell others who you are, it is important that you are comfortable with your identity. This may take time, and of course that’s totally okay. It helps to talk about it with like-minded women who are also struggling with this or to read stories of other women who have already had their coming out. Websites, books, blogs (like this one 😀 ) and online communities can get you started.
Choose a good moment
Coming out is not a race against time. Pick a time when you are really ready, fully committed to sharing this and do it in a safe environment. After you come out, make sure you have the time and space to process the reactions if necessary. It’s a good idea to start with one or two trusted friends or family members before telling a larger group.
Prepare for different reactions
Everyone will react in his or her own way. Some people will be enthusiastic; others may need time to get used to the idea. It is important to be patient and remember that their reactions are usually about them and not you. Give people space to ask questions and when answering them, always remain yourself. So stick to your own feelings and don’t get caught up in it when someone reacts a little negatively. This is who you are, you have now gathered the courage to bring it out and you really may stay with your authentic self.
Seek support from like-minded people
It can help tremendously to connect with other lesbian and bisexual women. Online platforms, our dating platform, LGBTQ+ organizations and even groups of friends can help you feel stronger in this process. Share your own story and listen to the experiences of others. These communities can be a source of support and inspiration and strength.
Make it clear that this is your authentic self
When you come out, you may feel vulnerable. Very logical, because you are making yourself vulnerable. Remind yourself that this is a way to express your authentic self. It’s not just about your sexual orientation, but the full picture of who you are as a whole. Show people that this is part of your identity and that this is who you are.
Take care of yourself
Coming out can be quite demanding of you emotionally, especially if the reactions are not always positive. Therefore, take good care of yourself. Talk to a trusted friend, seek professional help if you need it, and take time to recover from stressful moments. In this, give yourself plenty of room to process what is happening and be proud of the steps you are taking!
Be proud of yourself
Coming out is a courageous step! It also takes strength to stay true to who you are and to share it with those around you. Regardless of how others react, remind yourself that this is your life and you have the right to live it on your own terms and with whom you want. Even when it comes to love.
The process of coming out is different for everyone, and of course there is no right or wrong. What is very important is that you do what feels right for you and seek support from people who care about you and accept you as you are. We hope these tips can help you go through this process with confidence and love, you can do it and you are not alone!